Screw, Paul Revere. I'm Steve Dry and the Prince is coming, The Prince is Coming!!

Yes ladies, get jealous. Ang guys too, Kate is hot!

I'm so freakin' excited! Yes, you heard it here first. THE one and only (okay, there are two...) Prince of England, William Windsor, and his (way out of his league) girlfriend, Kate Middleton, will be in St. Andrews a week from Friday. AHHHHHH

The Prince is Coming. The Prince is Coming!

I don't know much about their plans, but as any under informed Associated Press reporter would do, I'm gonna break the story first and get details later. I would imagine they are going to be proded around to different events throughout the day like cattle...prized cattle...like Grand Champion cattle at the Indiana State Fair. They probably couldn't give a shit about the whole thing, but I guess you have to put your time in before you sit on a throne and eat tea and crumpets til Kingdom come.

St. Andrews 2002.

So I wake up on Monday to an email from the Principal announcing the Princes visit and inviting students to RSVP to an event with the Prince. And whenever I have an event to fraternize with a Prince and future King of England, I say, "Get me in there!"

So needless to say, I sent in my full name, home address, and date of birth from my SaintMail account (all protocol). This means they are most likely doing background checks on all the guests...which is why I'm glad I turned 18 a couple years ago and had all those petty attempted assassinations of public, foreign officials wiped from my record.

My goal for the party:

Get invited to the Royal Wedding. Plan of attack: I thought at first I would try to become friends with William, but I feel like I tend to hit it off better with girls. So I'm gunning for Kate. I'll probably compliment her on her dress, which will probably be navy blue, since she always wear navy. She'll smile that "Crest White Strips" smile. We'll probably bond over our mutual love for smearing shaving cream all over our bodies in November weather, before settling in on a convo about politics or religion or fashion. Of course, she'll be fascinated by my "commoners" experience. It will have a nostalgic effect on her, reminiscing about when she had to tie her own shoes or comb her own hair. She'll love me so much, she will have no other choice but to invite me to her wedding. And Charles and Camilla will have no say in the matter.

Kate Middleton loves her some foam.

I'm quite keen on the foam myself.

Success.