It Gets Better: New Hall Edition

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably come across this new viral video campaign: It Gets Better. The campaign all came about after a series of gay suicides late last year prompted the public to finally address gay bullying in schools. A little late if you ask me, but better late than never. The gist is that all these people released statements telling kids across America that no matter what is going on in their life, things will get better.

I really wanted to contribute to this campaign, but realized that homophobia isn't the biggest problem afflicting the New Hall community. No, the biggest forms of bigotry confronting New Hall residents come from the New Hall Nazis and their incessant need to make our dining hours a living hell.

If you are just now tuning into my blog, please rewind to last October when a series of infuriating experiences led me to completely blow up to one of the managers. My two biggest complaints were my inability to get a side salad on a side plate and their reluctance to give me more than 2 packets of ketchup for my chips (french fries). Post blowup, they quickly amended the rule about side salads, which appeased my temporarily.

Fast forward to this semester. I sort of forgot about the ketchup issue and pretty much just adapted my expectations. I changed my ketchup habits and things were pretty good. Then last week, I came into the lunch room to find a surprise waiting for me: A KETCHUP DISPENSER!

SURPRISE!!! (Mayo too!)

And not just a ketchup dispenser, but also one of those "we listened..." bullshit signs that basically had my exact comment card transcribed.

Let it be known: I would have been happy to provide a head shot for this poster. No need to represent me with a light bulb.

"Can we can ketchup and mayonnaise in pump dispensers instead of packets?"

"Yes, no problem. You said it and now we have done it. Please help yourself to ketchup and mayonnaise. Please be careful not to get it on the carpet. Please let us know what you think by completing a customer feedback slip. Enjoy!"

Of course I went to get some ketchup that first day, only to find it completely out of ketchup. I guess I should have been more specific in my request: can we please have a ketchup pump WITH KETCHUP in it.

With any luck, we'll get some ketchup in the building in the next few weeks.

So to anyone at New Hall that is experiencing bullying or bigotry by the New Hall Nazis, I just want you to know, "It gets better!"

It really does get better!

Screw, Paul Revere. I'm Steve Dry and the Prince is coming, The Prince is Coming!!

Yes ladies, get jealous. Ang guys too, Kate is hot!

I'm so freakin' excited! Yes, you heard it here first. THE one and only (okay, there are two...) Prince of England, William Windsor, and his (way out of his league) girlfriend, Kate Middleton, will be in St. Andrews a week from Friday. AHHHHHH

The Prince is Coming. The Prince is Coming!

I don't know much about their plans, but as any under informed Associated Press reporter would do, I'm gonna break the story first and get details later. I would imagine they are going to be proded around to different events throughout the day like cattle...prized cattle...like Grand Champion cattle at the Indiana State Fair. They probably couldn't give a shit about the whole thing, but I guess you have to put your time in before you sit on a throne and eat tea and crumpets til Kingdom come.

St. Andrews 2002.

So I wake up on Monday to an email from the Principal announcing the Princes visit and inviting students to RSVP to an event with the Prince. And whenever I have an event to fraternize with a Prince and future King of England, I say, "Get me in there!"

So needless to say, I sent in my full name, home address, and date of birth from my SaintMail account (all protocol). This means they are most likely doing background checks on all the guests...which is why I'm glad I turned 18 a couple years ago and had all those petty attempted assassinations of public, foreign officials wiped from my record.

My goal for the party:

Get invited to the Royal Wedding. Plan of attack: I thought at first I would try to become friends with William, but I feel like I tend to hit it off better with girls. So I'm gunning for Kate. I'll probably compliment her on her dress, which will probably be navy blue, since she always wear navy. She'll smile that "Crest White Strips" smile. We'll probably bond over our mutual love for smearing shaving cream all over our bodies in November weather, before settling in on a convo about politics or religion or fashion. Of course, she'll be fascinated by my "commoners" experience. It will have a nostalgic effect on her, reminiscing about when she had to tie her own shoes or comb her own hair. She'll love me so much, she will have no other choice but to invite me to her wedding. And Charles and Camilla will have no say in the matter.

Kate Middleton loves her some foam.

I'm quite keen on the foam myself.

Success.

Photo Overload: Bratislava, Slovakia

Sights

Welcome to Bratislava...please enjoy our luxurious bus station.

Bell Tower

My favorite building in all of Eastern Europe. The textures and colors are soooo cool.

UFO landing.

The Castle...I zoomed in to make it look like I bothered to visit it.

As you can see, this was a really popular attraction.

This sign takes me back to the Writing Center days...oh non-native speakers.

Main Street, SLK.

Train Station: it looks safer than it felt.

StatuesPaparazzi!

When I first saw this statue, I thought it was one of those guys who pretends to be statue. I actually had to get close enough to touch it, in order to realize it was in fact a statue.

Oh hi creepy sewer man.


Us with Napoleon ...Bonaparte, not Dynamite.

Food

Beer hall in Slovakia...a renovated church. Perfect.

If I look cold, then its because I was...and if it looks like my breath smells, its because it did. Note to self: Garlic soup=not the best "date" food.

Apparently the original "Slovakian" beer.

Menu Item #254: Free soup + Small Kafula (Valid only on day of exam during Examination period).
Menu Item #255: Poor Student Lunch
Menu Item #256: Lunch of Student after payday

Menu Item 258: Lunch of student who wants to disport himself to his girlfriend (served on one plate)...FYI: disport: (verb tr., intr.: To divert or amuse (oneself))

Slovakia's response to macaroni and cheese. Bryndzové halušky (potato dumplings with sheep's-milk cheese)

Dumplings with Blueberry filling, powdered with cocoa and sugar
Chocolate Shop #1

...and #2

Chocolate Pigs: You are what you eat.

Goodbye, Eastern Europe!

I was one of ten people in this airport that night. I'm not even joking.

Photo Overload: Vienna, Austria

Sights

I made it a habit of stopping in the middle of the street to take pictures.

The "Rat House" with a crazy skating rink that had paths all through the woods.

This girl's mom probably thought I was the biggest creep ever. I was taking a picture of the penguin, I promise.

Rathaus at night.

I feel like this should be the opening scene from a Batman movie. Or maybe have Spider man whip around the tower on his silly string.

The Opera House

Saving our "seats" (we had standing seats) with scarves.

Sarah and me before Salome...weirdest opera ever (admittedly I have nothing to compare it to). Dads in love with daughters, Daughters in love with Saints, beheading the Saint in order make love to his head. All in falsetto.

The monument the Soviets forced the Viennese to erect for them in gratitude for whatever the Soviets did for them.

These guys have crazy facial expressions.

The Parliament Building--built in the historicism style. Historicism is where the style of the architecture on the outside reflects that which occurs on the inside. In this case, the Parliament building is neo-Roman. The Roman architecture symbolizes democracy. Thanks Rick Steves!

One of the many palaces in the city.

Spanish Riding School...i don't really know why its not Viennese, but w/e

An artist ACTUALLY painting! Its like finding the elusive holographic charazard.

Schönbrunn Palace

Schonbrunn Palace--the summer residence of the Hapsburgs--in winter.

"It was the summer of [name that Renaissance year]"

This is why they only spent the summers here.

What it should look like.

Statues around Vienna

Mozart

Two seconds before we read the sign that says, "NO CLIMBING!"

Sex-man Freud

PChem-ers, this one's for you.

And this one is for anyone he also secretly loves when ambulances or police cars whiz past you and the siren pitch changes.

He was guarding the palace...since when is sticking your tongue out intimidating?

At first glance, this statue seems relatively tame.

Then you look up close to see the eyes of death on the cherub and realize he's about to stab this guy with this flame thrower/spear thing.

Vienna: The City of Cake

Home of the original Sachertorte, a chocolate cake with apricot jam.

Basically every other shop in Vienna.

Cake in the window of Demel, the best cake shop in Vienna

Another Demel Cake

Coffee at Central Cafe

More Cake!

Food!

Wiener Schnitzel--Raise your hand if you were expecting some sort of hot dog. Or some sort of weiner-y thing. **raises hand** But apparently, Weiner means "Viennese" and schnitzel is like a pounded meat cutlet. So fried veal and potato salad it is.

That's more like it...Wiener Hotdog. Much Better.

Spätzle- Austria's answer to Macaroni and Cheese. A Potato noodle with cheese and onions.

Lemonade Ginger-ale concoction. But look at the lederhosen. I had to try it.